What If?

Im starting to doubt myself again. Every person I talk to has a different view of London. For me. I need to make my own mind up about going back.

Right now, I have my doubts. Things could work for me here. My best friend is moving back to the city, my sis is pregnant with her first which means I can get her runner job. An old friend is also moving to the city, kinda someone I used to have a huge crush on, I cant believe I am thinking about that!

Now, with this Visa trouble and my job feeling sketchy about sending me the job offer (when Im wont be working for them - maybe I shouldnt have told them that), It is all sounding like too much effort. But why should I stop since Ive come this far? Is this like the cold feet feeling at your wedding? I cant seem to sort it out in my head. Doesnt help that I havent talked to Nick in over a week. I will call him today...at his parents, coz thats where hes living right now.

I again, had to let myself imagine my life here if I didnt go back. Imagine if I never see that life again? I hate those thoughts. The question 'Would you rather regret, or kick yourself?' pops up. I really miss him. I do not need this extra stress. I need to call him.

I think Id always rather kick myself. Regret is too hard to cope with.