Cleanliness is close to Godliness

Im not sure whether Im frustrated, bored, unmotivated, lacking energy, lacking imagination, lonely or just plain lazy.

I keep on telling myself to do things like

• make dentist appointment
• write letter to bank about overdraft fees
• go to library and get another book out
• call Des about fixing computer
• Do my balance ball workout - which I actually did last night but got bored of it halfway through...but finished the workout anyway.

I havent done any of these and Im procrastinating things all the time. This is what drove me crazy about Nick. And yes, he still has NOT gotten his license. I think hes rubbing off on me.

Thing is, I am a tidy person and I like picking up after myself, but with Nick, I end up doing everything around the house..I do the cooking, the cleaning, the vacuuming, make the bed, do the laundry, take the garbage out...and I just realized why.

We were over at Nicks Moms house the other day and the girls' bedroom was a disaster. She comes in in a huff and starts cleaning up their mess in their bedroom saying ' I have to do everything around here, the problem is, if i dont do it, it doesnt get done.' Im thinking, yeah, but its their bedroom, their mess, they have to live in it, and you can close the door.

I stopped...thinking and everything...realizing this is why Nick doesnt do anything around the house...coz he knows if he doesnt, someone will do it in the end, just like his Mom did. I did try to break him out of this but only managed to set one boundary with him. That is, I refuse to iron his shirts and I only pick him up from the station on my own terms.

I cant go to bed without the kitchen being cleaned, probably because Dad used to make me do it when I was a kid, even if I used to come in after midnight. Now, I beg Nick to clean the kitchen coz I thought we had this deal when I cook, he cleans. He says hes gonna do it, keeps on putting it off and then falls asleep on the couch (again at 8:30pm last night after being out on tues night) and then goes to bed. Kitchen is still a mess. I cant sleep until its clean.

Im sure if my Mom used to storm into my bedroom and clean up my mess...I wouldnt clean it now either. But because me and Nick share a bedroom, I managed to push all his clothes onto his side of the room (they pile up sky high). Its my way of shutting the mess out.

Is this making me feel resentful?? I get really angry about it. Whats it going to be like in a few years time?

I am embarrassed to say, when we move into our new house, Nick says hes gonna hire a cleaner once a week. Over...my dead body. Im not having a person come into my house and clean up our mess. I can do it myself!

I gave Christine the Boundary Book. She says she loves it and I hope she takes it to heart and learns a lesson. Because of her cleaning after her kids' mess, I am cleaning after her sons.

My boss is quite funny. A David Brent as Id like to think. The phone rings:

Him 'Are you going to answer that?'

Me 'No,' not because Im being lazy but because we have 2 phones and I regulary get called on a certain one, when the other one rings, its usually not for this office.

He laughs at me and ignores it himself! I think Im the Boss around here.

Im not sure if the hamburger I made for dinner last night will taste good today for lunch or not. maybe Ill warm up the patty, and hope the mustard and ketchup havent made my bun soggy. Eew.

PS I finished reading the Bergdorf Blondes and it was kinda cute. Still dumb, in a Clueless kind of way but Im always a sucker for romance.