Making an effort

I completely freaked out. I had this vision of staying here and never seeing him again. And it scared me. I dont want to lose him and he doesnt want to lose me...and I know that. So I wrote him a letter being completely honest about how I feel coz I dont think Im always honest. But it helped and he replied and he promised to make more of an effort and we had a great conversation. Tears and all. He promises to make my time worth while in London and I promised to make more of an effort.

I got asked out. By a Swiss guy. I was actually going to just go. I felt so far away from Nick physically and emotionally that I was actually gonna go on a date. My sis said, 'Your gonna lose your girl, better hurry up'. It was sad because it was true. And then I got all defensive to Dad about moving back to London. He obviously wants me to stay here and said I shouldve just gone out on that date. I couldnt do that to him. Imagine how I wouldve felt if I did that to him?

Things are going smoothly tho. Im not going to worry about the Visa. (even tho I still have the docs yet.) And Im going to keep positive and go to London and cross bridges when I come to them. Can I hold myself to that??

I really miss him and its getting harder and harder each day. Were never doing this again.